God's Business Card

God's business card does not contain the following job description:
GOD
PEOPLE PLEASER

I have recently discovered that, although I completely understand this, I live as though I think God's sole purpose is to give me what I want, when I want it.

I have been reading the book of Exodus and have been so convicted by the actions of the Israelites. God had just performed the most amazing miracle by parting the Red Sea and delivering the Israelites from their slavery to Egypt, and what do they do? They complain because they are hungry and begin to wish they were back in Egypt. Because God's provision for them didn't look like what they thought it should, they complained and wished they were back in slavery. I am an Israelite.

I have been extremely reluctant to openly discuss what I am going through in my personal life, and have hid it through witty posts. However, God is teaching me so much that I simply must share it, in hopes that maybe it speaks to one of the people who read this blog. A little over two months ago, God delivered me out of an abusive and destructive marriage. He parted my Red Sea. He took the broken relationship with my parents, brought about reconciliation in less than a week after three years of not speaking, and used them to bring me to safety. Since that time, I have been provided with food, shelter, clothing, a car, a job, etc. I should have been grateful...

I have grumbled. I have complained. I have (unbelievably) been desperate to return to Washington and to the relationship I was so desperately seeking refuge from. I have been so focussed on everything I gave up when I left Washington, that I have failed to see the miracle God has worked in my life and the provisions He has given me. I have cried and complained over having my brand new car taken away, and completely ignored the 1991 Volvo that was a gift and has given me freedom and the ability to find a job. I have been disappointed in being hired at Directv; after all, I worked for an Immigration attorney in Bellevue, and that is what I really wanted. I have spent hours moping over losing my precious cell phone. Yet, it seems that every time I need to make a call, my mom's is readily available. I have been embarrassed and griped about having to live with my parents, when so many women in my circumstance end up homeless or in a women's shelter. I have mourned the friends that I have lost due to misunderstanding and lies told about me, all the while failing to be thankful for the family and friends here that have been by my side every step of the way. The list goes on and on. It has been so humbling to see myself through the mirror of the Bible. Don't we all want to identify with the heroes of Scripture? Who wants to identify with the bad examples?

To wrap it up, I have learned the following: God's provision is perfect and it rarely comes in the package that we think it should.